Dirty Dishes and Good Friends... How to connect more with the people you love - Sage B. Hobbs

We’ve been enjoying an awesome spring break.  Snowy mountains, wood stove, hot tub, wine, family movie nights.  


We’re really letting loose.  There are dishes and toys everywhere.  And socks.  Why do socks seem to multiply?


My husband’s happily getting some snowboarding in.  The kids have been epic sledders (and burgeoning skiers).  And we’ve thrown in some vino, friend time, and early nights with a good book.  


And in the middle of all this spring break goodness, I was once again smacked with that tricky thing we all struggle with….


Letting my desire to look good or be “perfect” almost screw up my opportunity to truly connect with an old friend.


My girlfriend was coming over with her three kids for an impromptu visit.  We hadn’t caught up in a long time, and all the kids were super psyched to go in the hot tub, thus giving us some coveted adult time.


While we were hastily making this plan, I found myself saying “Just warning you, the house is a total mess.  We’re in vacation mode and the kitchen is a disaster and there are toys everywhere.”


As the words were tumbling out of my mouth, I recalled an article my aunt had literally just sent me days earlier about this very topic.  I had posted it in the Badass + Brilliant Living Facebook community, and this very friend of mine had read it.  


It was a total “a-ha” moment.  WTF was I doing making excuses for my house not being “good enough” for a friend to come over and connect.


It can be such an automatic habit to hold ourselves back from what we really want, for fear of judgment or because of our own perfectionism.


What we really crave is connection.  Connection trumps perfection. Every. Damn. Time.


They came over and we sat at the table with dishes around us and toys on the floor.  The kids happily played and we got to talk.  Really talk. About our work, our new ideas, our partnerships, and our lives.  We listened and we gave suggestions and we reminisced.


It was awesome.  


I truly and deeply believe that we are happiest and most fulfilled when we’re paying attention to our relationships, and spending time connecting with the people that matter to us most.   


Messy houses.  Messy lives.  Real and full living.  It’s all better when we’ve got our peeps loving us and seeing us.  


It’s not always easy.  It requires being vulnerable.  Sharing yourself.  Making the time in your busy life.


A few quick suggestions to get back to the connection you want:


Leave a sink full of dishes to call a dear friend.  Share something that is hard in your life and something that’s great.  Then ask her the same.  And listen.  

Stumble through “friend-dating” and ask someone at work to join you for lunch.  

Get a babysitter and actually go on that date night you keep talking about.  

Take a vaca from Facebook for a week.  See what else you spend your time doing.  Playing with your kids?  Calling a friend?


Don’t judge yourself in this process.  We are programed to want people to like us, to “keep up with the Jones’s,” to look like we’ve got our shit together.


But, when you remind yourself that connection is more important than perfection you can break the habit.  You can deepen your relationships, feel happier, and more free.


And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?


Your Badass Action Steps:


In the comments below, share with us…


How do you let “looking good” or “perfectionism” get in the way of connecting with the people in your life?


How can you strengthen your relationships so you feel more connected?


Much love and yours in Badass + Brilliant Living™,


P.S.  If you liked this post and want to help me get more women to unleash their inner badass, live courageously, and share their brilliance  {and not get stopped by annoying habits like perfectionism}, please share using the links.  Thank you!