Perfectionism and Fear: Life's Hard Lessons - Sage B. Hobbs

Ever have a lesson that the Universe keeps teaching you again and again, probably because you still struggle to learn it?  Yep, that’s what’s been going on for me lately.  At least I can now laugh at myself a bit more, even through my frustration.

My dear friend posted a proud photo of her son’s school journal and I immediately fell down the rabbit hole.  Mom guilt. Perfectionism. Comparison.  General, “I suck” bullshit in one form or another.


My son has little to no interest in writing.  He says things like “please get me situated,” “nudibranchs are my favorite sea creatures”, and “from my perspective,” but actually writing or spelling (or learning to read for that matter), not so much.

Because I know I struggle with perfectionism, and I’m a book nerd, I’ve reading Brene’s genius these days, in which she dives into perfectionism research.

She writes “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence…Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.” {Daring Greatly, Brene Brown}

I ponder this quote publicly on FB (yes, the heart of the life comparison fire, silly me.) But, brilliantly, a friend shares this Elizabeth Gilbert quote “Perfectionism is just fear in really good shoes.”  Thank you, Universe, I’m listening.

Feeling calm again, I escape to a cabin in the woods with just my husband (yup, no kiddos!) for two days.  It was a retreat to create my upcoming, online program and have some quiet reconnection with Nathan.

Nathan’s a teacher (an excellent one!) and so we dove in, getting all my passion actually organized on paper.  His skills and mine, combining beautifully in this project.  Both of us were super pumped.  I’m going to help moms find themselves again.  Feel smart, sexy, and powerful. Transformative group process.  Everything I love doing.  Yes!

And then, I panicked. “Oh, shit. I can’t actually share this with the world,” I said.  I needed to line up all the tech support, create amazing videos, make in visually gorgeous.  I needed to do it… perfectly.

Nathan wanted to scream and shake me back to normal.  Luckily, he’s way more rational than me, and never would.  Instead, he told me very clearly to get over myself and do it already.

And, like he’d ordered up the Universe to have his back on this message, one of my business mentors said on a teaching call that very week “There’s never a perfect time to launch a new product and there’s never a perfect product.”  Thank you Nathalie Lussier (and Universe.)

Three times in a week I’ve been schooled.  I’m usually an A student, but apparently some lessons make me hard headed.

So, I’d love to know,

“When has perfectionism been just fear in disguise?  How are you holding back and hiding out?”

For an extra challenge, let’s share on FB and break the “perfect life” facade that is often shown there 🙂  I’ll leave the questions there for you.

Let’s all get a little more real today.  Let’s all be badass + brilliant and show ourselves more.

F#*k perfectionism.  {And, to hold me to it, my program will be open for business in a few weeks.  Perfect imperfections and all.}

Yours in living a badass + brilliant life,



Take it from Brenee - perfectionism is NOT the same thing as striving for excellence Click To Tweet